Where do you cop your drugs at?

Sometimes I love my job. 7,000 employees of the Agency and I get to see only the worst and most bizarre. My gripes with Labor unions and collective bargaining agreements frustrate me to no end. It is nearly impossible to fire civil servants without the Ageny being subject to assorted union grievences and lawsuits. But back to the 'I love my job' part. The attorneys in my unit file internal disciplinary charges against employees of the Agency for violations of the code of conduct, fraud, gross incompetence and the like. Some of my cases boggle the mind in a 'truth is stranger than fiction'/ 'who are these people' kind of way. And the scary part is that after almost 2 years in the unit, almost nothing shocks me. I've learned to boil down the most whacked-out situations into sanitized legalese. One of my personal favorites.... (names and dates have been changed to protect me from getting fired) CHARGE 1: On or about September 6, 2008 at approximately 1:22 p.m., while in a conference meeting between caseworker John Smith, Deputy Director Johnson and subject birth mother, Jane Doe, the employee was observed to be pacing back and forth with a white powdery substance on his nose. Approximately four (4) times during the conference, the employee jumped up, pointed to the corner and asked with an uneven, elevated voice, "Is that a mirowave?!?" and proceeded to reheat his cup of coffee. Charge 2: On or about October 5, 2008 at approximately 7:03 p.m., while sitting in on a safety conference with Assistant Commissioner Gilbert and an allegedly drug and alcohol addicted birth mother, the employee was observed to have reddish-tinged eyes and was sniffling repeatedly. At approximately 7:17 p.m., while AC Gilbert was questioning the birth mother, the employee leaned across the table towards the employee and whispered loudly into her ear "Hey, hey! Where do you cop your drugs at?????" And these moments make it all worth it......